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In my early on twenties, I ended up being close friends through a sassy, hilarious, sarcastic art college drop-out named Hannah*. I had actually recently dropped out of art college myself and loved laughing with Hannah over just how mutually pretentious ours “art education” had actually been.

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“They kicked this one kid out of the program since he wasn’t connecting v his breath. Have the right to you imagine informing your parental you got cut from a optimal theatre school since you weren’t connecting with your breath?” i giggled to she over cigarettes and also coffee the an initial time us hung out alone. She roared through laughter.

“Yeah, well, i was told mine drawing an abilities were ‘too good’—they weren’t ‘visceral’ enough, apparently.”

It was friendship-love at first sight. Or so i thought. We began to invest so much time together that my closest friends began to incessantly questioning me if Hannah and also I were coming to be ~more than friends~.

“Hell no!” I would certainly scoff, rolling my eyes. “She’s so no my type. We’re also similar. I’m not right into other artists. I want a banker.”

Yeah, sure.

One night, us were snuggled up at the bar, together we’d get an impression accustomed to doing when my directly friend Ruby* aggressively traction me right into the bathroom.

“What the hell are you doing?” she spat.

“What perform you mean?” ns asked, genuinely perplexed.

“You two are anywhere each other!”

“No, we’re cuddling in a bestie kinda way,” i playfully punched Ruby in the arm. She driven my hand away and looked me dead in the eyes.

“Zara. Hear to me. We’ve been ideal friends because that ten years,” she hissed. “Have we ever before cuddled?”

I looked at the floor. “No,” ns muttered sheepishly.

“Friends, don’t cuddle, Zara. In fact, the believed of cuddling v you makes me desire to vomit.”

“Likewise,” i answered, folding mine arms. I suddenly craved a cigarette. I constantly used come crave cigarettes as soon as in the throes of a facility life epiphany (which is why ns smoked a fill a day throughout my first couple of years of gift out).

As i huffed and also puffed on my Marlboro outside the bar, i gazed in ~ the massive California palm trees calmly swaying in the Santa Ana winds and also began to break down my new friendship. Shit, we’re cross friendship boundaries, aren’t we? 

Because ns was new to being gay, ns didn’t rather yet realize just how easy that is to child yourself that the feel your recording for an additional lesbian room nothing deeper than a cute “friendship crush.” The kind you used to obtain in center school.

And if you’re gay, opportunities are, you’ve been down this complicated road before. Or probably you’re stumbling down it ideal now. Maybe you’re confused.

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You’re wondering even if it is you idolize your brand-new friend or if girlfriend actually want to jump her bones.