Jamie Varon is a writer and social commentator life in Los Angeles. You have the right to follow her on Twitter or favor her on Facebook.

You are watching: I got high and felt like i was dying


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It’s important for me to start this story by being really clear around one thing: Ryan to be extraordinarily hot. I shall henceforth refer to him as warm Ryan.

I met hot Ryan in college. My finest friend had actually just started working in ~ this lover mom-and-pop Italian restaurant where warm Ryan was her coworker. After she presented me come him, i pulled her aside and also said, “So, Ryan is hot.”

“Oh, i know,” she replied.

“Okay, happy we’re top top the same page vis-à-vis Ryan’s hotness.”

I saw hot Ryan native time to time, but was intimidated by his beauty, and thought he to be terribly out of mine league. So every time ns ran right into him while visiting my friend at work, I’d just be cordial, and didn’t bother flirting v him.

But one Friday night, everything changed.

Six months after meeting hot Ryan, i was hanging out at the restaurant to death time (because, college). Anyone was stating their plans because that the evening; hot Ryan claimed he to be going to go out, and also I said I to be going to walk out. Warm Ryan climate proceeded to suggest that we exchange numbers, therefore we might meet up. Ns glanced about to make sure I wasn’t gift pranked due to the fact that it kind of appeared like hot Ryan actually want to cave out v me outside of cordial greetings. Ns was recorded off security by this breakthrough in our relationship.


We exchanged numbers. Still, I questioned that hot Ryan would text, and also told myself the was simply being polite. Or exceptionally bored. Or the every solitary one the his friends had actually left the country, and I to be the just person approximately to chilled with. Every little thing the circumstance, i assumed the wouldn’t text, and also went about my night gaining drunk (because, college).

But at around 11 p.m., I acquired a text from hot Ryan. Ns stared at it because that a an excellent 30 seconds prior to my mind processed that actual in-the-flesh warm Ryan was trying to holler in ~ ya girl. What! to be life finally coming up Jamie? to be I actually going to have an opportunity to hook up with warm Ryan? I was very confused.


Was I in reality going to have actually an opportunity to hook increase with warm Ryan?


Naturally, i texted him ago much later to provide off the impression that i was a very busy woman-about-town, and that the was entirely normal—nay, therefore common as to be practically boring—for warm men i lusted after to want to chill out of the blue.


After a series of messages that required all of my drunken concentration, warm Ryan said he want me to come over. To. His. Place.

He was so ready for the V that he was text massage me every thirsty like, “Just come over, and I’ll run out to pay for her taxi.” What a gentleman. (It was around midnight at this point, so “gentleman” might be a tad hyperbolic because that an apparent booty-call situation, yet I was down and he knew it.) Then ns arrived. After warm Ryan paid for my yellow-checkered chariot, ns stared longingly him, and anticipated placing my drunk challenge on his beautiful face. Ns was positive giddy.

We sat alongside each other on the couch, and also he pulled out a bong the dimension of my torso. Now, ns partook in the green on occasion, however was through no means a professional. Ns was an ext of a tiny-pipe-I-bought-in-some-random-glass-blowing-shop-in-Berkeley sort of girl, or a “can anyone rotate this apple into a makeshift bong?” type of smoker. Hot Ryan, however, was a professional. I was intimidated.

But drunk Jamie never backed down from a challenge, so ns straddled the bong as hot Ryan knelt down and also lit the leaves. Then i took a huge rip, and also glamorously coughed for 3 minutes as he visited fetch me part water.


The night to be off come a sexy start.

I took another hit, because why not? warm Ryan was beside me, his forearm grazing my forearm, and I thought that if I appeared down because that whatever, maybe he would kiss me.

I started to think fondly of the potential things warm Ryan and I would certainly do, once suddenly, my body stopped responding to mine brain. I sat staring in ~ the television, as hot Ryan make the efforts to obtain my attention. Ns tried come speak, to tell warm Ryan that ns was too high, however my mouth quit working.

Eventually, warm Ryan obtained up and went elsewhere in his house, while ns sat on the couch immobile. Ns stared at the television, together all the colors swirled together. Sometimes I felt prefer I was within the TV, or choose I to be falling into a deep hole. Other times, ns blacked out and also fell asleep (but was somehow mindful of gift asleep). And other times still, ns felt choose I to be literally within my mind, go around, wondering just how I got inside.


I tried to obtain unhigh, but I to be so high the all I might do was lie top top the couch and focus ~ above the TV. I assumed that if i stopped focusing on the TV, I would certainly die—I was acutely aware of how close to dying i was. I retained willing my mind to wake up me up, but I wasn’t also asleep. Then, I remained in the TV again, surrounded by colors.


I to be acutely aware of how close come dying ns was.


Ultimately, i passed out, and woke up the following morning wishing I had actually actually died. I sat bolt upright on warm Ryan’s couch and also forgot whereby I was—only to remember that i was invite over for sexy time, yet instead of hooking up v him every night, acquired so high that ns went inside of the TV and/or passed away like a fucking noob.

No warm Ryan sex! No hot Ryan anything! hot Ryan had paid because that my taxi to come over, and all he acquired was a chick that smoked his weed and also passed out on his couch.

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Kids, if you’re reading this: Don’t perform drugs…if a warm guy has invited you over to his house. Find out from my mistakes.​ Have sex v the warm guy first, then do the drugs.