30y/o white male.I recently quit going come a therapist i was seeing for dysthymia. I felt uncomfortable when the therapist would stare at me, silently, after i answered his questions as best I could. The quiet would periodically last as long as 30 seconds to 1 minute. I started to feel choose I to be wasting mine time through therapy since it seemed prefer a question and answer session when what ns was expecting was much more concrete directions or instructions. Mine questions: Are long pauses appropriate? If so, what purpose carry out they serve? were my expectation unrealistic?Ben"s Answer:This is a inquiry of style, or form of treatment that you space doing. Traditionally, the is relatively common for therapists to take it a more receptive method where castle follow her lead, fairly than top you ~ above their own agenda. Some people may dislike this, however there is a well established logic come that way of act therapy. In her moments that silence, your ego will feel threatened. It"s a delicate position to be in, and one which most world cleverly avoid in every other social situation. Why does silence make us uncomfortable? due to the fact that we feeling insecure and also inadequate. Without words to create a diversion, we"re left with simply our naked feeling - and also that is other that most of us covertly feel embarrassing of. It"s usually instilled in united state at very early age - that emotion of shame. It"s passed down to us from our parents, and also generations top top back, into the fog of time. If a therapist really has some wisdom, and some deep self-awareness, then enabling those moment of emptiness may end up being really opportune times for self-discovery. Yet some therapists make the mistake of only going half-way. They create that silent space, yet then leaving the customer to squirm and also be confused and also not at all sure what this is an alleged to accomplish. Therefore it should really be talked about. Procedure comments


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- like, "you seem uncomfortable as soon as things get quiet between us," can open up a an extremely deep and meaningful discussion. However if it simply feels like a staring contest, not much advantage is likely to it is in gained.As the client, friend should understand that the is an ext than alright to ask the therapist what is happening at those times, and also what you"re claimed to gain. You can just asking how change happens in therapy. If friend ask 10 therapist this question, friend will get 10 different answers. They might all it is in true. However you require to understand what you"ve signed increase for.Personally I perform some the both: part silent introspection, and also some really directive questions and even advice. And also this relies a many on the needs of the customer I"m functioning with, and the nature of our therapy connection at the time. Some therapists feeling it"s completely wrong to offer advice. Again, it"s just a issue of the therapists approach and methodology.Ultimately, ns think many therapists (to varying extents) re-superstructure the belief that the most necessary answers have to come from within the customer - and not from the therapist.

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Detect your own inner fact is much much more meaningful and transformational than being called some little of info by a therapist. A therapist"s main job is to be a an excellent mirror for their customer to view themselves.Hope that helps.Best Wishes,Ben Schwarcz, MFTSanta Rosa Psychotherapist
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